I am happy, all the time, for no reason. Seriously. It is already March, and I am happy, and weird things are happening. It is fabulous. I am writing my book, did I mention that I am happy? For NO reason? So unlike me, I almost feel dirty.. I think I might get a paid journal, then I feel obligated to write. It's funny, I think this may be the first time I've written out my thoughts when I am not melancholy.. Life is beautiful, and I am so going to be a millionaire any day now! Rock the universe. (I know shoot me, please, I'm making myself gag!)
-Rain

Wow, my hournal is now a year old. I haven't written too much that I have made public, but it has not been a very good year. So I guess, happy one-year LJ. ;) Maybe this year will be better.

-Rain

Wow, life has been a little hectic since I went back to school and am working full time.  I feel like a little girl right now as I am in lust with a guy at work. ;) I was browsinglucilla_darkate

What type of Fae are You?

Which is frighteningly accurate. 

Anyway, I am off to bed for now. I may be posting some fanfic in the near future. I have been working on a piece for a while now. ;) Night!

-Rain[Unknown LJ tag]

Oh my goddess. I have a 'friend' who is an absolute tramp. And I mean she flaunts her charms around an open bar where anyone and everyone can see her and laugh at her audacity. I went out with a good friend tonight and this chick shows up drunk. She drove to the bar and I took her keys when she got there, not that it's going to help as I took the wrong keys... But that is a little off the point. She wanted very badly to fuck the bartender and she got her way, but honestly, how far should a girl go just to get laid? She was climbing on the bar, telling everyone that could hear her that she was horny, and also that she enjoys threesomes and going down on women. I was disgusted.

Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with casual sex, but how much is too much when putting yourself out there??

-Rain

I must say that I have been very melancholy lately. There are so many things that get under my skin and just stay there, eating away at me. I am way too set in my ways. I don't know how to be more open minded. There are certain things that I am completely open minded about, but there are others that I just close off to. I understand that I should at least validate other people's opinions, but I just can't. Perhaps if I didn't let my passions rule my life, if I could be more down to earth...

Whatever, I am and can only be me. Fuck anyone who tries to change me.

School starts up again in twelve days. I hope that I can pass all of my classes and work full time. Europe here I come. I have eleven months to get my shit together. One thing I have in abundance is determination.

-Rain

My twenty-fourth birthday is now drawing to a close. It began 24 hours ago and started out fairly strange. But I don't want to get into that now. At this moment I want to hide away from the world and vanish. I want to fade away.

I know that I don't really want any of those things, but if I could just stop feeling I wouldn't have to cry. Why is everything just out of reach? If I were a stronger person I would be able to grab a hold of what I want and need. Why am I so weak? Where am I heading? What is my purpose...

-Rain

Title: Your Blood, My Hands...
Author: rainlaken
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing: Draco/Harry
Raiting: PG I suppose.
Warning: A little angsty perhaps.
Summary/Note: Written for lucilla_darkate 's Word Challenge. My word was Redemption. It is a drabble, and my first... I had fun.  ;)

Your Blood, My Hands...

The streets of London are covered in blood, but none of that matters now. A light in the distance has blinked out and it is gone forever. I did that. I alone am responsible. What if we had never fought, if you had never come to me?

What if, what if, what if???

Why couldn’t I forgive you? Instead I watched my lover die, I didn’t cry out; I didn’t try to stop it. I watched as the whole world wept for their hero. But who will weep for me?

When they all turn and point their fingers, who will offer me redemption?

Life seems to know exactly when to twist the knife, doesn't it? And yet it also knows exactly when to relieve the pressure. I applied for a couple of jobs yesterday and one asked me if I would like to come in for an interview today, of course I said yes! ;)  To my surprise I was hardly nervous all day, and the interview went well. I got to thinking that there was only one explanation why I was in that office as the lady was calling people for interviews, and that was fate. There was no way I was going to be passed up for that job. I was in the right place at the right time and it was all perfect.

I did get the job. I think life is all about timing, really. I'm just usually way to fucking early! Today I am happy. I am properly employed, and I've decided to work through school this year and save up to go to Europe next summer. It scares me when things are this easy...

-Rain

Well, back to work tomorrow. Yay... If you haven't guessed, I love sarcasm! ;) I got a little drunk last night, I thought to myself, hey it's okay I don't work in the morning, and it was nice. I wasn't loaded, just pleasantly numb. With my sister's wedding I will be a third time bridesmaid, blah! Isn't that a curse or something??  The wedding is set for August 12th, my mom's birthday is on the 15th, my birthday is on the 18th, and my parents anniversary is on the 24th!  So it will be a busy month!  Life is a little crazy right now, I really want to go back to Europe, but I also want to finish university... But I really want to go back to Europe! ;) Decisions decisions!

-Rain

I start my job bright and early. Yay me. I'm a little pissy that I'm only going to be working 4.5 hour shifts, but it's something to bring in money while I wait for a better job offer. I hope it comes soon. I'm thinking about applying at the airport, it would be a bitch to get out there every day, but it would be better hours and better pay, also it would be shift work and maybe if I'm stranded out there I will actually sit down and write!

I'm angry at myself right now. I know that I want to be a writer, and yet I procrastinate! I'm so dumb sometimes. I am going to try sitting down for an hour a day, starting tomorrow, perhaps if I get going I will work for longer when inspired. Anyway, first day, new job tomorrow, I better get some sleep!

-Rain